"She was beautiful, but not like those girls in the magazines. She was beautiful, for the way she thought. She was beautiful for the sparkle in her eyes when she talked about something she loved. She was beautiful, for her ability to make other people smile, even if she was sad. No, she wasn't beautiful for something as temporary as her looks. She was beautiful, deep down to her soul. She is beautiful." -- F. Scott Fitzgerald

Thank you, Jennifer Gamble, for sharing this nugget of wisdom this week! Because I miss my hair. (Hair keeps your head warm when it's cold, and well, my eyelashes and eyebrows are thinning now, too).

This past week was a bit of a drag. But then it ended with a great day!

This week I lost all my hair. I had the cute haircut a month ago. Then it started falling out, like we knew it would. So I had my kind friend give me a close buzz cut. Then, the next day, it continued to fall out in clumps and looked very mangy. So, Saturday night Matt helped me shave it completely. It’s quite a change! But thank the LORD He gave me a good skull. ;-)

Saturday morning, early, Tim and I drove to Talladega to a Breast Cancer Survivor’s event. It was sponsored by Chevy, so the event included a “drive-along” with a NASCAR driver. For those of you who don’t know, NASCAR is the organization that races stock cars around oval tracks all over the US.  It’s a big deal – no, a HUGE deal in the Southern U.S. So, when the opportunity arose to participate in this truly Southern event, I could not say no.  I took Tim with me, who was keen to meet the two NASCAR drivers we knew we would meet.

Ryan Newman (#31) – who came in 5^th at the big race on Sunday, was my driver around the track. In the video below he and fellow driver Austin Dillon (#3) were talking about their first lap in the pace car. We went 160 miles per hour! It was crazy fast! And a ton of fun. Better than any rollercoaster. Really.

So, I guess I could say Ryan blew my hair off.

I started losing my hair today. It sucks. Can I say that out loud?
EFF CANCER. And all it's minions. And the indignities.
I look forward to the day I can see cancer rotting in hell.
And ALL HAIL to the researchers working to rush that day.

I lift up my eyes to the hills - 

from where does my help come?

My help comes from the Lord,

the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip - 

He who watches over you will not slumber;

indeed, He who watches over [Lisa]

will never slumber or sleep.

The Lord watches over you - 

the Lord is your shade at

your right hand;

the sun will not harm you by day,

nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all harm -

He will watch over your life;

the Lord will watch over your 

coming and going

both now and forevermore.

Psalm 121

One of the only psalms I have ever memorized. It seems to me it is always applicable. Whether in my bed or walking around doing normal stuff. My sufficiency is in Christ. My strength comes from God. The Holy Spirit watches over me at all times. I cannot run from His presence, nor do I want to. I've run away before, and tried to hide, and He was there. Waiting. Protecting.

I feel weak right now. Weaker than ever. Today is day two post strong chemo (for details on why the new chemo, read previous blog post). Day one was fine - I think I floated through on remnants of the steroids and anti-nausea meds they gave me with the infusion of chemo. This morning, however, I feel heavier, like my blood is loaded with lead.

But it will pass. And then we'll do it again in three weeks. Until I've had 6 doses. The great news is that all this news this week about "breakthrough in breast cancer treatment"? Well, I'm receiving these miracle cocktails of meds. There couldn't be a better time to have breast cancer. At least that's the way I look at it. That "help from the Lord"? It's His Spirit reminding me of the good over the bad. I cannot do that on my own. I have struggled with depression and anxiety for decades. It has crippled me on countless occasions. To be able to "smile at the future" now? It's a miracle. It's the Spirit of the Living God in me.

I love Jesus. I love that He is the Son of God. I love that God considers me His daughter. And because of the trials set before me in this life, I know He is faithful, loving, and true. Not in spite of the trials. BECAUSE of the trials.

So, I will trudge through today. I'll remember the dreams He's so faithful to give me from time to time (like the one at the beginning of this blog). And I will drink my super smoothies and rest.

It's been quite a week. I was all geared up to see the radiation oncologist this past Tuesday, but Monday afternoon I got a call canceling that appointment. My oncology team (surgeon, oncologist, radiologist) met on Monday to discuss my case. First let me say there are NO new tumors or any such thing in my body. I am still technically cancer-free. However, they decided the following:

Because there was still a 3.2 cm tumor in the breast they removed, AND because that tumor was still cancerous, they would like to change their approach in my treatment to ensure I have the best chance for the best possible outcome (the best being: no cancer relapse). On the off-chance there are still minuscule cancer cells roaming around, the docs want to give my body a short burst of stronger/broader-hitting cancer drugs.

So, beginning next Wednesday, October 1, I will receive chemotherapy which includes two more drugs, Taxotere and Carboplatin, in addition to the Herceptin. I will receive a total of 4 chemotherapy treatments over the next 3 months. And yes, I will lose my hair. I don't know what the other side-effects will be yet. I will meet with a nurse on Tuesday to discuss all the side-effects and other things `i should expect.

After these three months of stronger chemo, I will then do radiation for 6 weeks. Then recovery from radiation for 2-3 months. Then reconstruction. 

So, the good news is NO NEW TUMORS. The bad news is that the tumors I did have were very bad. So this treatment is to stomp out even the IDEA of a cancer cell trying to come back.

I'm going to get a short haircut tomorrow in anticipation of the hairloss. Then I'm going straight to my church women's retreat where I can laugh, cry, pray, and eat lots of chocolate with my sisters in Christ.

Thank YOU for your continued prayers for me and my family. Daniel and Tim were at first slightly upset about this, and now they're discussing the cool wigs I can wear. 

Okay, this is funny. I was getting my thoughts together for this next blog post to update you all on the surgery. When I opened my computer to my blog, I realized I've already updated you! That first week was such a blur. I thought I had slept through those first few days, but obviously not. I wonder what else I may have done or said that week which I don't recall? Thank you if you came by to visit and/or to bring a meal - I do know we have had enough to eat - I've actually gained weight since the initial post-surgery loss! Our family is so grateful.
My younger sister, Kristy, spent the first 14 post-operative days with me at home. She was invaluable to me and my family. We realized we hadn't spent extended time together since we lived together way back my senior year in college! We had a wonderful time together. My older sister, Janet, also came to spend a weekend with us. And the three of us were together again.

Krist left two days ago and I've waxed melancholy. My body is healing slowly and I feel so physically weak. I still have one of the two drains which are necessary after surgery of this type and it's because I tried to do too much. My post-op visit with the surgeon was yesterday and when she saw I still had the drains she said, "You cannot do anything with your left arm other than what's absolutely necessary; like taking a shower or brushing your teeth. No housework. No doing the dishes, nor folding laundry." I started crying. That was exactly what I'd been doing. I just hate feeling useless! Who doesn't? My heart feels tender. A LOT has happened, and my emotions must be catching up with me.
What is the next step on this journey now that I am minus one boob and 19 lymph nodes? Well, I can say I'm cancer free! That is HUGE!!! Praise be to the Living God! I probably should've started this blog with those words. :-) But I still have months of treatment ahead of me to be completely whole again, so I guess that's why I didn't.
I've reached a HUGE milestone. I have no more detectable cancer in my entire body. :-)  But, just like when you have a sinus infection and you're supposed to take all 10 days of the medicine even if you feel better after 5, I must continue my treatment for 8-10 more months even though I feel "better" after 6. Next step is radiation. Should begin in early October and last for 6 or 7 weeks. It will be targeted radiation on the area that underwent surgery.
I want to feel strong again. I want to be able to do the things I normally do and more. I want to hike Klingman's Dome again, or swim in the Gulf of Mexico again. My heart leaps at the thought of having strong legs and arms again. I will.
In the meantime I will rest like I'm supposed to. Visit with those of you who come by to see me. Eat good food. And enjoy this recliner.

I am home. I am resting. I am watching Auburn football. And my only complaint at the moment are foot cramps. Not bad. War Eagle.
My surgery went beautifully (so I'm told), and I was ready to come home when they were ready to send me home. Recovery is progressing as it should with no set backs thus far.
I had a "modified radical mastectomy" on the left and all lymph nodes under that arm removed. Pathology report on the tissue removed will
be available in a week. Next steps will be made clear after those results are in. We are praying and hoping for a good path report!

I feel like I am being carried through this completely. My family does, too. Thank you!