I am easily inspired. The words of a writer. A song. A beautiful, old red maple tree. Often, however, the inspiration ends up smothered by my sense of inadequacy. I can't write like her.... my singing voice isn't beautiful... I can't stand here and hug this tree all day. Each one of those negative thoughts crowds out whatever inspiration filtered into my heart. "I'm not good enough" is the repeating line. Or "I'm too busy".
But I AM good enough. And I'm never, ever as busy as I think I am. When I truly am too busy, my soul feels wheezy and out of breath. I don't want that either. No negative self-talk sludge, and no soul-sucking busy-ness. The sludge creeps in more often than the busy-ness, but both are equally destructive.
Life is somewhere in the middle. I have to be awake for it.
Honestly, it's a battle to be awake. The mundane is so mundane. Work, housekeeping, daily life. Each of those things can be such downers. When I think about the mundane, I almost always picture the gray half-life of the main character in The Matrix. Oh God, heaven forbid we live like that. Ever.
I have definitely been in a half-life before. Even when in relatively good health. We are meant for FULL LIFE.
I am one year cancer-free. That's a huge milestone! And yet, I'm still recovering. But I think we are ALL still recovering. We are just at different stages of recovery from whatever it is we are battling - it could be cancer for you, too, or it could be depression, or a broken ankle, or a sore hip, or a month of sleepless nights with a new baby, or financial stress, or a fight with a loved one, or you could even be recovering from your run this morning. And we all need a little help with recovery. We need tools; an arsenal; a First Aid Kit for Life.
This help can take multiple forms. My First Aid Kit for Life contains the following:

• Faith
• Family 
• Friends
• Eating right (I will eventually have a "click here" button that takes you to my favorite recipes)
• Exercise (even as much as I hate it, it DOES, without fail, kick the mundane's ass)
• My amazing supplements and essential oils (email me to find out how to get some!)

Yeah, yeah, whatever -- I know that's what you're thinking. But it's true. I'm aware I may sound ridiculous to some, but what I have to say IS important. I don't say it just because I like to see my words in print on the world wide web. Or because I think it's cool to post links. Or just because I want to achieve financial freedom by building a business through essential oils.
I say it because of how it has changed my life. It really has. It can truly help you, too. But it's still just a tool - one of the tools in the First Aid Kit for Life.

I posted a photo with the following quote on Instagram, and as I was writing the caption, I realized I had a lot more to say than what fits in a caption.

"Having the answers is not essential to living. What is essential is the sense of God's presence during dark seasons of questioning." -- Ravi Zacharias

What I said in my caption began with... "Been through some crap in my 47 years. Also been through some CRAP. This quote from Ravi is TRUE. Hope in Jesus is all we really have. And THAT is A LOT. It's EVERYTHING. And it's GOOD." 

There's more to that story...

I first encountered a crisis of faith in my young and dramatic teen years (dramatic and teen years are synonymous). I felt distant from God even though I had put my faith in Him when I was 9 years old. I only felt close to Jesus -- who'd been human and understood us. So I prayed to Jesus one night that He show me if God was real (true story). He directed me to the gospel of John. Not a particular verse. Just John. So I started reading and right there, at the start of the book, it's declared that Jesus IS GOD. So, doubt dispersed. Relief flooded over me. Weird (but normal) hormonal tears were dried.

Emotional faith stayed with me for a long time. I rarely felt (FELT) solidly grounded in my beliefs in God and everything that goes with our cultural Christianity in general. I think that was part of the problem - my Christianity, while deeply a part of me, was also my culture. I knew nothing else, really. I grew up on the mission field where my Dad and Mom planted churches; I memorized verses from a young age and read my Bible; I was home-schooled by my Mom and other Christians all the way through high school graduation; I then opted for a small Christian college; and then I promptly went to work for a college ministry upon graduation. All through my young life I sought out the protection of a community of people who believed what I believed. And this kept my faith suitably strong.

Then I lost my job. Then I decided to go to grad school, at a decidedly non-Christian school. Then I found a job in the "real world" with all kinds of people. Then I started dating the guy I'd end up marrying. And then some deeply challenging family matters came crashing into my life. Some of these events were wonderful, and some were definitely not. But all of these events put together in a short period of time (2 years), flipped a switch in my brain and I fell into a clinical depression. Not just the ups and downs of normal life kind of depression. But the "i don't want to get out of bed in the morning" kind of depression. I mean I REALLY don't want to get out of bed and I'm going to call in sick again and stop eating kind of depression. 

During this time I picked up a book called "Disappointment with God" by Philip Yancey. This book helped me begin to see my life as a part of a bigger picture rather than a self-absorbed pea-sized blip in the universe. It may still be a pea-sized blip even now, but it's a less self-absorbed blip and it's part of the big picture of God wooing us all to Him -- of the love from the great and big and mighty Creator of the universes and everything in them for ME and YOU. St. Augustine said, "God loves each one of us as if there were only one of us." It's one of my life quotes now. And it's true. It's theology that has a heart. It's truth that transcends the mundane and transforms my daily life into something not. With these new (to me) truths, and the care from a wonderful dad-figure doctor who gave me antidepressants for the first time in my life, I was able to come back to myself and live with joy and renewed, albeit a little shaky, faith. I was 26.

Matt and I got married. We had our first son, Daniel. I had the same job I got while in grad school. Marriage was good. Daniel was wonderful and beautiful, but all first-time parents are freaked out a little (I freaked out a lot). My job was stressful, but at least I had a job - even a job that was somewhat fulfilling. But it was not what I had envisioned for myself long term. Where were the overseas missions trips to exotic countries? (bills to pay) What happened to my "stay-at-home-mom" dream? (bills to pay) Didn't God promise "abundant life"? (favor-shmavor) This didn't feel abundant to me. Did He really even mean all those things He says in the Bible? Who even wrote the Bible anyway?

Boy, that's a slippery slope, dear friends. Start questioning the validity of the Bible and things get REAL. Because what the Bible says is the basis for Christianity, right? Right. It is. But I wanted to learn that for myself, so I studied and learned who wrote the Bible. I learned God wrote the Bible through His faithful servants over the span of centuries and even in so doing, it still makes sense. Without going into scholarly language by pillaging my brain for details I learned 10 years ago and time has fuzzed, I will just tell you that it's true. God wrote the Bible. If this is your area of doubt, come talk to me.

Once the Lord opened my heart and eyes and mind to the truth about His Word, my faith grew deep, deep roots. My life up until then had prepared the soil in my heart for either complete rejection of all Christianity says and offers (bleak), or a total surrender to the TRUTH of who God says He is (hopeful). He really does love each one of us as if there were only one of us. And it matters to Him when we embrace Him. And it matters to Him when we need some knowledge to bolster our faith. He's not afraid of our doubts and our questions. He welcomes them. He knows it makes our roots deep. He knows it brings a storm -- but He calms the storm. He knows questions are good because He knows the Answer.

The last 7 years of my life have held the greatest trials. But I know, even with the shadows of doubts that still surface, that God is real. What He says in the Bible is true: We are loved by Him... we cannot love Him back because of the darkness of our human hearts... we are so deeply loved and communion with us is so precious that God delivered his only Son into the hands of the Enemy to murder so that by the spilling of His blood we would be cleansed of our sin and be holy enough to commune with God.  A mystery, yes, and it sounds like a fairy tale. But it is no fairy tale. This truth changes lives. Not just our american lives. It crosses cultures, oceans, borders, religions, world views, and changes lives. It's a truth that is NOT cultural. Jesus was a middle-eastern Jewish man. Ravi Zacharias, quoted above, grew up in a Hindu household. I saw Buddhist lives in Thailand change with my own eyes. It doesn't matter your background. Because it is the Truth.

There is only ONE GOD. He's THE Creator. And we can be made holy enough for Him through Jesus. This isn't "holding the monopoly on truth" -- it's offering the only "no-strings-attached" way to be released from all that holds us prisoners. So let go. There IS salvation from the worst of ourselves (read The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis for more on that).

So, back to Ravi's quote that started all of this: "Having the answers is not essential to living. What is essential is the sense of God's presence during the dark seasons of questioning."  Other than JESUS, there are no other answers to life's hard questions this side of heaven. There just aren't. Even the hardest question when life is darkest -- "WHY, Lord??!!". Especially that one. Life IS hard (sorry, young friends). But, oh the joy. The grounded joy. The deeply rooted, bottom of your soul, darkest corners of your heart flooded with warmth and light, smiling on the inside (and often outside) JOY. (I'm not talking about dancing in the aisles, picking daisies and skipping through fields, hugging strangers - that's normal emotional reaction to JOY.)

I want to grab you by the shoulders and shake you awake so you can see it. Because I love you. But I know, if you haven't experienced it yet, God will reveal this to you. He WILL wake you up.

This is GOOD NEWS. For everyone, including you. 

Daily health routine…

One day a couple of weeks ago I was researching and downloading various "step counting" apps to my iPhone when Daniel said, "Your iPhone COMES with a step counter, Mom." And there is was - a little white  icon with a tiny red heart in it. And that's how I started counting steps.

My (now retired) doctor, an avid runner, told me I needed 10,000 steps a day -- did you know that's almost 5 miles?! So, in an effort to reach that many, I started parking my car by Dreamland BBQ and walking to my office on University Blvd.  Hands down I thought I had the 10,000 won. Nope - the round trip is only 4,000. I think I'd need to walk to work from my house to reach the goal! But there are no showers at the office, so I'm going to have to rethink that. But I will revisit this issue. Because I want to be healthy! And strong!

I remember when I would see a mountain and think to myself, "I could climb that" (I don't live in Colorado, so your average mountain around here IS climbable). I want to feel that way again. 

So, walking an average of 4,000 steps is in my new daily routine, with the goal of reaching 10k.

I also drink a glass of orange juice blended with wheatgrass powder every morning. I have found that on the days when I remember to do this, my stomach hurts less and I have less heartburn. Did you know that athletes who consume wheatgrass recover more quickly from their workouts than those who don't? I don't work out, and I'm no athlete, but there's got to be something to this wheatgrass thing, which I've been doing for over 2 years now.

I also don't drink cow's milk anymore AT ALL. Now, I haven't said I don't eat dairy (cheese is so good!). But I drink almond milk only and in the mornings I add a non-soy protein powder to it, which gives me some energy.

Then I eat oatmeal and during this great winter season, I eat an orange a day. It's no mistake oranges are in season when it's cold season (God makes no mistakes). They're so tasty and so protective with their vitamin C!!

Finally, I diffuse essential oils all day. And I drink a drop or two in every 8 ounce of water, and I drink 2 quarts of water a day. The essential oils of choice for drinking are lemon, orange or lime. So tasty and so good for you. Lemon and lime gently detox my body throughout the day. Orange tastes amazing and is a natural mild appetite suppressant which helps with not over-indulging in snacks!

So, at this point in my life, this is my daily routine. I'll cover healthy meals in another post. If you're interested in finding a great source for the highest quality essential oils to add to your health routine, email me! theuslisa@gmail.com

My thank you note that never feels old...
Two years ago this week my family doctor found a lump in my left breast the size of a grape during a routine exam. I am healthy now due to many factors: my oncologist Dr. Forero and his team and the treatments they prescribed, the incredible support and care from my family and friends, changes in lifestyle, and our Lord, the Healer. I am so grateful I hardly have words. 
Many questions raise their heads when I think of the friends I've lost to cancer in the last two years, or the friends who are still battling, but I think I've learned there are no real answers this side of heaven. We, the living, move forward and feel grateful and love and never, ever sweat the small stuff again. 
So, thank you for everything. I am whole again, cancer-free, healthy, and content. 
 

Jesus said, "I have come that you may have LIFE in abundance." This is THE true and real and clear thought that re-surfaced this morning as I reflected. ABUNDANT LIFE…. 
The last 2 years of my life have been about surviving. I quite literally have been surviving as I battled breast cancer through 2014 and 2015. I had days and days of down time, to "take care of me", but it was for recovery, rest and surviving. Reflecting and refining is not a priority when your entire body is under attack to stay alive. I'm so thankful for the many voices of friends, family, colleagues and medical experts who told me to REST. I know THAT had a lot to do with how well I have recovered and survived….. 
Now that I am well, I'm having to relearn how to DO. I spent the last 2 years taking care of myself and it's time to take ACTION. And it IS a relearning process. I'm NOT exhausted after 3-5 hours of work at the office. I CAN do housework AND spend time with my children. It's VERY possible to get a list of things done in one DAY, instead of one WEEK. I don't need someone to cook dinner for me and my family anymore. There is NO NEED for me to take tons of breaks during gthe day. This is truly me relearning how to LIVE. In the most literal of senses…. 
Most literally, this year, 2016, is about LIVING and not just surviving. I HAVE survived cancer. NOW it's time to LIVE my life again. Amen and amen.

I honestly want to cry when I see the current reaction in America to the Syrian refugee crisis. Especially when that reaction comes from Christians.

There are few things more anti-biblical than turning away those who suffer from our doors. I don't have to quote the scriptures to most Christians; we know them by heart. (love thy neighbor as thyself… come to me all ye who are heavy-laden…). Not to mention the inscription on our very own beautiful and majestic Lady Liberty in NYC: Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to be free.."

This is America. Those coming from Syria are the definition of poor, tired, people yearning to be free. They have suffered unimaginable loss, violence and conflict.

I'm joining my voice to those who are screaming for justice for those who perpetrated the evil in Paris and in Syria.

And I join my voice to those who are calling for justice for the Syrian refugees - give them a new home, a safe home, in America.

For the record, Mary and Joseph were a middle eastern family seeking a place to stay...

I wouldn't be writing about this if it didn't matter to me. I wouldn't be writing about this if I didn't think it would matter to you. One of the things which makes me the happiest is connecting people to opportunities which would benefit them. Whether it's introducing you to someone I think you would like and get along with, or giving you something I think will make you feel happy or better, I LOVE the chance to help your life be better. I can't help it.
So, without beating around the bush, I'm introducing my new website. Click here for an introduction to what has helped me feel as good as I do just six months after my last cancer treatment, and just 10 days after my last (and LAST) surgery.
You're welcome.
I love you all.