This pandemic has obviously changed everything. It is not only killing people; it is wrecking the world economies. The developed world is being hard hit. We are quarantined, cannot go to work, so millions are being laid off.
It's making me question some things. Are we in the "developed world" more afraid of death by disease than in the developing world? We are working so hard to prevent the spread of this disease because it's killing 3,000 per day. You know what else kills 3,000 per day? MALARIA. It kills 3,000 CHILDREN per day.
We have lost 80,000 souls worldwide to Covid-19 in 3 months. We lost over 1 MILLION to tuberculosis just last year. Those malaria and TB deaths are disproportionately in developing nations.What about HIV/AIDS? Last year, almost 1 million were lost to that disease, in spite of the herculean efforts worldwide to "contain" it.
I guess I'm struggling with seeing the madness surrounding Covid-19. I mean, I understand the systems that are in place and the procedures we all have to follow to contain this disease, or at least stop the rapid spread -- "flattening the curve".
But is this not what developing nations struggle with daily? Are their health systems not already overwhelmed and broken with what infectious diseases they face ALL the time? How is the West during Covid-19 different from their DAILY lives?
Their economies suffer because those in the workforce cannot work because they are ill or dying. Those who do work, even when sick, have lower productivity.
Maybe what I'm trying to say is this:
The developed world has led the way to halting the global economy to try to contain a disease that is killing many of its citizens at a time when the developing world continues to cope with the daily reality of losing its citizens to centuries-old killers like malaria and TB, as well as to newer killers like HIV/AIDS. Their economies already suffer under the burden of these well-known killers. Again I ask - is the West so scared of death that it would wreck our economies over a disease that kills far fewer? The harder question is this: Do the lives in Europe and America have more value than those in impoverished nations?
Wednesday, April 8, 2020
Wednesday, March 6, 2019
Four years cancer free. Another milestone. A quiet spring with good results so far. Sometimes I'd like to forget the cancer ever happened. But these 6-month appointments and check-ups don't let me. When a friend dies of breast cancer, I can't forget. My heart aches, I cry, I fear, I question, I'm here.
Glad I have a stable desk job (and a stable desk). But right now, after battling with excel sheets, I wish I was anywhere but behind a desk. Give me blue skies directly above my head (not out the window). Give me creek water up to my waist and dragonflies landing on my head. Give me the scent of spring and the breeze of summer.
Glad I have a stable desk job (and a stable desk). But right now, after battling with excel sheets, I wish I was anywhere but behind a desk. Give me blue skies directly above my head (not out the window). Give me creek water up to my waist and dragonflies landing on my head. Give me the scent of spring and the breeze of summer.
Wednesday, June 13, 2018
Thursday, June 23, 2016
Today, when I woke up and had sat down with my warm and delicious cup of coffee, I opened my laptop and logged into Facebook. The first thing I saw was a seconds-long video of a chameleon popping soap bubbles. Not a cartoon. A real live chameleon on the fingertips of its owner reaching up into the air and popping the bubbles blown in its direction. It was the sweetest and most joyful thing I'd seen in a few days and I couldn't help but smile. In a moment, my entire attitude had changed. From being tired and weary to feeling happiness and ready to start my day. Positive thinking is a real thing.
From reading my blog, you may have noticed that depression and anxiety are things I've battled since I was 13 years old. The second time I went to someone for counseling, her task for me was to think of things for which to be grateful right after I woke up in the morning. I did what she said because I was desperate for help. No matter how you feel, she would say, just write them down.
The Bible talks about this too. In one of the New Testament books there's a verse that starts, "In all things give thanks"... So obviously, positive thinking isn't a new concept.
I'll leave you with a TEDx talk which focuses on this concept. The speaker's challenge to change our thinking is one I've taken to heart - thus my previous post on three things for which I'm grateful. Here are three more things for which I'm grateful today: 1) Emily Rice and her Yoda drawing, 2) My cat Tuco's sweet and battlescarred face with the marks of defending our territory, 3) Cindy's self-timer coffeepot at the office. :-)
Thursday, June 9, 2016
Tuesday, May 31, 2016
I am easily inspired. The words of a writer. A song. A beautiful, old red maple tree. Often, however, the inspiration ends up smothered by my sense of inadequacy. I can't write like her.... my singing voice isn't beautiful... I can't stand here and hug this tree all day. Each one of those negative thoughts crowds out whatever inspiration filtered into my heart. "I'm not good enough" is the repeating line. Or "I'm too busy".
But I AM good enough. And I'm never, ever as busy as I think I am. When I truly am too busy, my soul feels wheezy and out of breath. I don't want that either. No negative self-talk sludge, and no soul-sucking busy-ness. The sludge creeps in more often than the busy-ness, but both are equally destructive.
Life is somewhere in the middle. I have to be awake for it.
Honestly, it's a battle to be awake. The mundane is so mundane. Work, housekeeping, daily life. Each of those things can be such downers. When I think about the mundane, I almost always picture the gray half-life of the main character in The Matrix. Oh God, heaven forbid we live like that. Ever.
I have definitely been in a half-life before. Even when in relatively good health. We are meant for FULL LIFE.
I am one year cancer-free. That's a huge milestone! And yet, I'm still recovering. But I think we are ALL still recovering. We are just at different stages of recovery from whatever it is we are battling - it could be cancer for you, too, or it could be depression, or a broken ankle, or a sore hip, or a month of sleepless nights with a new baby, or financial stress, or a fight with a loved one, or you could even be recovering from your run this morning. And we all need a little help with recovery. We need tools; an arsenal; a First Aid Kit for Life.
This help can take multiple forms. My First Aid Kit for Life contains the following:
Yeah, yeah, whatever -- I know that's what you're thinking. But it's true. I'm aware I may sound ridiculous to some, but what I have to say IS important. I don't say it just because I like to see my words in print on the world wide web. Or because I think it's cool to post links. Or just because I want to achieve financial freedom by building a business through essential oils.
I say it because of how it has changed my life. It really has. It can truly help you, too. But it's still just a tool - one of the tools in the First Aid Kit for Life.
But I AM good enough. And I'm never, ever as busy as I think I am. When I truly am too busy, my soul feels wheezy and out of breath. I don't want that either. No negative self-talk sludge, and no soul-sucking busy-ness. The sludge creeps in more often than the busy-ness, but both are equally destructive.
Life is somewhere in the middle. I have to be awake for it.
Honestly, it's a battle to be awake. The mundane is so mundane. Work, housekeeping, daily life. Each of those things can be such downers. When I think about the mundane, I almost always picture the gray half-life of the main character in The Matrix. Oh God, heaven forbid we live like that. Ever.
I have definitely been in a half-life before. Even when in relatively good health. We are meant for FULL LIFE.
I am one year cancer-free. That's a huge milestone! And yet, I'm still recovering. But I think we are ALL still recovering. We are just at different stages of recovery from whatever it is we are battling - it could be cancer for you, too, or it could be depression, or a broken ankle, or a sore hip, or a month of sleepless nights with a new baby, or financial stress, or a fight with a loved one, or you could even be recovering from your run this morning. And we all need a little help with recovery. We need tools; an arsenal; a First Aid Kit for Life.
This help can take multiple forms. My First Aid Kit for Life contains the following:
- Faith
- Family
- Friends
- Eating right (I will eventually have a "click here" button that takes you to my favorite recipes)
- Exercise (even as much as I hate it, it DOES, without fail, kick the mundane's ass)
- My amazing supplements and essential oils (email me to find out how to get some!)
Yeah, yeah, whatever -- I know that's what you're thinking. But it's true. I'm aware I may sound ridiculous to some, but what I have to say IS important. I don't say it just because I like to see my words in print on the world wide web. Or because I think it's cool to post links. Or just because I want to achieve financial freedom by building a business through essential oils.
I say it because of how it has changed my life. It really has. It can truly help you, too. But it's still just a tool - one of the tools in the First Aid Kit for Life.
Wednesday, April 27, 2016
I posted a photo with the following quote on Instagram, and as I was writing the caption, I realized I had a lot more to say than what fits in a caption.
"Having the answers is not essential to living. What is essential is the sense of God's presence during dark seasons of questioning." -- Ravi Zacharias
What I said in my caption began with... "Been through some crap in my 47 years. Also been through some CRAP. This quote from Ravi is TRUE. Hope in Jesus is all we really have. And THAT is A LOT. It's EVERYTHING. And it's GOOD."
There's more to that story...
I first encountered a crisis of faith in my young and dramatic teen years (dramatic and teen years are synonymous). I felt distant from God even though I had put my faith in Him when I was 9 years old. I only felt close to Jesus -- who'd been human and understood us. So I prayed to Jesus one night that He show me if God was real (true story). He directed me to the gospel of John. Not a particular verse. Just John. So I started reading and right there, at the start of the book, it's declared that Jesus IS GOD. So, doubt dispersed. Relief flooded over me. Weird (but normal) hormonal tears were dried.
Emotional faith stayed with me for a long time. I rarely felt (FELT) solidly grounded in my beliefs in God and everything that goes with our cultural Christianity in general. I think that was part of the problem - my Christianity, while deeply a part of me, was also my culture. I knew nothing else, really. I grew up on the mission field where my Dad and Mom planted churches; I memorized verses from a young age and read my Bible; I was home-schooled by my Mom and other Christians all the way through high school graduation; I then opted for a small Christian college; and then I promptly went to work for a college ministry upon graduation. All through my young life I sought out the protection of a community of people who believed what I believed. And this kept my faith suitably strong.
Then I lost my job. Then I decided to go to grad school, at a decidedly non-Christian school. Then I found a job in the "real world" with all kinds of people. Then I started dating the guy I'd end up marrying. And then some deeply challenging family matters came crashing into my life. Some of these events were wonderful, and some were definitely not. But all of these events put together in a short period of time (2 years), flipped a switch in my brain and I fell into a clinical depression. Not just the ups and downs of normal life kind of depression. But the "i don't want to get out of bed in the morning" kind of depression. I mean I REALLY don't want to get out of bed and I'm going to call in sick again and stop eating kind of depression.
During this time I picked up a book called "Disappointment with God" by Philip Yancey. This book helped me begin to see my life as a part of a bigger picture rather than a self-absorbed pea-sized blip in the universe. It may still be a pea-sized blip even now, but it's a less self-absorbed blip and it's part of the big picture of God wooing us all to Him -- of the love from the great and big and mighty Creator of the universes and everything in them for ME and YOU. St. Augustine said, "God loves each one of us as if there were only one of us." It's one of my life quotes now. And it's true. It's theology that has a heart. It's truth that transcends the mundane and transforms my daily life into something not. With these new (to me) truths, and the care from a wonderful dad-figure doctor who gave me antidepressants for the first time in my life, I was able to come back to myself and live with joy and renewed, albeit a little shaky, faith. I was 26.
Matt and I got married. We had our first son, Daniel. I had the same job I got while in grad school. Marriage was good. Daniel was wonderful and beautiful, but all first-time parents are freaked out a little (I freaked out a lot). My job was stressful, but at least I had a job - even a job that was somewhat fulfilling. But it was not what I had envisioned for myself long term. Where were the overseas missions trips to exotic countries? (bills to pay) What happened to my "stay-at-home-mom" dream? (bills to pay) Didn't God promise "abundant life"? (favor-shmavor) This didn't feel abundant to me. Did He really even mean all those things He says in the Bible? Who even wrote the Bible anyway?
Boy, that's a slippery slope, dear friends. Start questioning the validity of the Bible and things get REAL. Because what the Bible says is the basis for Christianity, right? Right. It is. But I wanted to learn that for myself, so I studied and learned who wrote the Bible. I learned God wrote the Bible through His faithful servants over the span of centuries and even in so doing, it still makes sense. Without going into scholarly language by pillaging my brain for details I learned 10 years ago and time has fuzzed, I will just tell you that it's true. God wrote the Bible. If this is your area of doubt, come talk to me.
Once the Lord opened my heart and eyes and mind to the truth about His Word, my faith grew deep, deep roots. My life up until then had prepared the soil in my heart for either complete rejection of all Christianity says and offers (bleak), or a total surrender to the TRUTH of who God says He is (hopeful). He really does love each one of us as if there were only one of us. And it matters to Him when we embrace Him. And it matters to Him when we need some knowledge to bolster our faith. He's not afraid of our doubts and our questions. He welcomes them. He knows it makes our roots deep. He knows it brings a storm -- but He calms the storm. He knows questions are good because He knows the Answer.
The last 7 years of my life have held the greatest trials. But I know, even with the shadows of doubts that still surface, that God is real. What He says in the Bible is true: We are loved by Him... we cannot love Him back because of the darkness of our human hearts... we are so deeply loved and communion with us is so precious that God delivered his only Son into the hands of the Enemy to murder so that by the spilling of His blood we would be cleansed of our sin and be holy enough to commune with God. A mystery, yes, and it sounds like a fairy tale. But it is no fairy tale. This truth changes lives. Not just our american lives. It crosses cultures, oceans, borders, religions, world views, and changes lives. It's a truth that is NOT cultural. Jesus was a middle-eastern Jewish man. Ravi Zacharias, quoted above, grew up in a Hindu household. I saw Buddhist lives in Thailand change with my own eyes. It doesn't matter your background. Because it is the Truth.
There is only ONE GOD. He's THE Creator. And we can be made holy enough for Him through Jesus. This isn't "holding the monopoly on truth" -- it's offering the only "no-strings-attached" way to be released from all that holds us prisoners. So let go. There IS salvation from the worst of ourselves (read The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis for more on that).
So, back to Ravi's quote that started all of this: "Having the answers is not essential to living. What is essential is the sense of God's presence during the dark seasons of questioning." Other than JESUS, there are no other answers to life's hard questions this side of heaven. There just aren't. Even the hardest question when life is darkest -- "WHY, Lord??!!". Especially that one. Life IS hard (sorry, young friends). But, oh the joy. The grounded joy. The deeply rooted, bottom of your soul, darkest corners of your heart flooded with warmth and light, smiling on the inside (and often outside) JOY. (I'm not talking about dancing in the aisles, picking daisies and skipping through fields, hugging strangers - that's normal emotional reaction to JOY.)
I want to grab you by the shoulders and shake you awake so you can see it. Because I love you. But I know, if you haven't experienced it yet, God will reveal this to you. He WILL wake you up.
This is GOOD NEWS. For everyone, including you.
"Having the answers is not essential to living. What is essential is the sense of God's presence during dark seasons of questioning." -- Ravi Zacharias
What I said in my caption began with... "Been through some crap in my 47 years. Also been through some CRAP. This quote from Ravi is TRUE. Hope in Jesus is all we really have. And THAT is A LOT. It's EVERYTHING. And it's GOOD."
There's more to that story...
I first encountered a crisis of faith in my young and dramatic teen years (dramatic and teen years are synonymous). I felt distant from God even though I had put my faith in Him when I was 9 years old. I only felt close to Jesus -- who'd been human and understood us. So I prayed to Jesus one night that He show me if God was real (true story). He directed me to the gospel of John. Not a particular verse. Just John. So I started reading and right there, at the start of the book, it's declared that Jesus IS GOD. So, doubt dispersed. Relief flooded over me. Weird (but normal) hormonal tears were dried.
Emotional faith stayed with me for a long time. I rarely felt (FELT) solidly grounded in my beliefs in God and everything that goes with our cultural Christianity in general. I think that was part of the problem - my Christianity, while deeply a part of me, was also my culture. I knew nothing else, really. I grew up on the mission field where my Dad and Mom planted churches; I memorized verses from a young age and read my Bible; I was home-schooled by my Mom and other Christians all the way through high school graduation; I then opted for a small Christian college; and then I promptly went to work for a college ministry upon graduation. All through my young life I sought out the protection of a community of people who believed what I believed. And this kept my faith suitably strong.
Then I lost my job. Then I decided to go to grad school, at a decidedly non-Christian school. Then I found a job in the "real world" with all kinds of people. Then I started dating the guy I'd end up marrying. And then some deeply challenging family matters came crashing into my life. Some of these events were wonderful, and some were definitely not. But all of these events put together in a short period of time (2 years), flipped a switch in my brain and I fell into a clinical depression. Not just the ups and downs of normal life kind of depression. But the "i don't want to get out of bed in the morning" kind of depression. I mean I REALLY don't want to get out of bed and I'm going to call in sick again and stop eating kind of depression.
During this time I picked up a book called "Disappointment with God" by Philip Yancey. This book helped me begin to see my life as a part of a bigger picture rather than a self-absorbed pea-sized blip in the universe. It may still be a pea-sized blip even now, but it's a less self-absorbed blip and it's part of the big picture of God wooing us all to Him -- of the love from the great and big and mighty Creator of the universes and everything in them for ME and YOU. St. Augustine said, "God loves each one of us as if there were only one of us." It's one of my life quotes now. And it's true. It's theology that has a heart. It's truth that transcends the mundane and transforms my daily life into something not. With these new (to me) truths, and the care from a wonderful dad-figure doctor who gave me antidepressants for the first time in my life, I was able to come back to myself and live with joy and renewed, albeit a little shaky, faith. I was 26.
Matt and I got married. We had our first son, Daniel. I had the same job I got while in grad school. Marriage was good. Daniel was wonderful and beautiful, but all first-time parents are freaked out a little (I freaked out a lot). My job was stressful, but at least I had a job - even a job that was somewhat fulfilling. But it was not what I had envisioned for myself long term. Where were the overseas missions trips to exotic countries? (bills to pay) What happened to my "stay-at-home-mom" dream? (bills to pay) Didn't God promise "abundant life"? (favor-shmavor) This didn't feel abundant to me. Did He really even mean all those things He says in the Bible? Who even wrote the Bible anyway?
Boy, that's a slippery slope, dear friends. Start questioning the validity of the Bible and things get REAL. Because what the Bible says is the basis for Christianity, right? Right. It is. But I wanted to learn that for myself, so I studied and learned who wrote the Bible. I learned God wrote the Bible through His faithful servants over the span of centuries and even in so doing, it still makes sense. Without going into scholarly language by pillaging my brain for details I learned 10 years ago and time has fuzzed, I will just tell you that it's true. God wrote the Bible. If this is your area of doubt, come talk to me.
Once the Lord opened my heart and eyes and mind to the truth about His Word, my faith grew deep, deep roots. My life up until then had prepared the soil in my heart for either complete rejection of all Christianity says and offers (bleak), or a total surrender to the TRUTH of who God says He is (hopeful). He really does love each one of us as if there were only one of us. And it matters to Him when we embrace Him. And it matters to Him when we need some knowledge to bolster our faith. He's not afraid of our doubts and our questions. He welcomes them. He knows it makes our roots deep. He knows it brings a storm -- but He calms the storm. He knows questions are good because He knows the Answer.
The last 7 years of my life have held the greatest trials. But I know, even with the shadows of doubts that still surface, that God is real. What He says in the Bible is true: We are loved by Him... we cannot love Him back because of the darkness of our human hearts... we are so deeply loved and communion with us is so precious that God delivered his only Son into the hands of the Enemy to murder so that by the spilling of His blood we would be cleansed of our sin and be holy enough to commune with God. A mystery, yes, and it sounds like a fairy tale. But it is no fairy tale. This truth changes lives. Not just our american lives. It crosses cultures, oceans, borders, religions, world views, and changes lives. It's a truth that is NOT cultural. Jesus was a middle-eastern Jewish man. Ravi Zacharias, quoted above, grew up in a Hindu household. I saw Buddhist lives in Thailand change with my own eyes. It doesn't matter your background. Because it is the Truth.
There is only ONE GOD. He's THE Creator. And we can be made holy enough for Him through Jesus. This isn't "holding the monopoly on truth" -- it's offering the only "no-strings-attached" way to be released from all that holds us prisoners. So let go. There IS salvation from the worst of ourselves (read The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis for more on that).
So, back to Ravi's quote that started all of this: "Having the answers is not essential to living. What is essential is the sense of God's presence during the dark seasons of questioning." Other than JESUS, there are no other answers to life's hard questions this side of heaven. There just aren't. Even the hardest question when life is darkest -- "WHY, Lord??!!". Especially that one. Life IS hard (sorry, young friends). But, oh the joy. The grounded joy. The deeply rooted, bottom of your soul, darkest corners of your heart flooded with warmth and light, smiling on the inside (and often outside) JOY. (I'm not talking about dancing in the aisles, picking daisies and skipping through fields, hugging strangers - that's normal emotional reaction to JOY.)
I want to grab you by the shoulders and shake you awake so you can see it. Because I love you. But I know, if you haven't experienced it yet, God will reveal this to you. He WILL wake you up.
This is GOOD NEWS. For everyone, including you.
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